C'est la Vie

So after a full day of nail-biting suspense, I found out I did not get selected to compete in Kollaboration: Atlanta. Sad days. I did notice there seems to be quite a number of bands this year. Only one soloist of any kind. Interesting. Well, good luck to those that did get selected.

I'll admit I'm pretty bummed. But I'm not entirely forlorn or anything. I'm not discouraged to stop playing. In fact it kinda makes me want to play more.

I'm kinda going through something at the moment where I'm debating my choices in terms of future occupations and whatnot. Seems like an annual thing. We welcome you to the 3 Annual Question-Your-Future-Plans Event Extravaganza! But yeah. I'm at least lucky that now my conscious is almost completely cleared at the moment, except for this pesky matter.

It's just that I have absolutely zero motivation to go into medicine, other than family pressure and money, and both of those are completely wrong reasons to do so.

I feel like I need to associate myself with like-minded people here at college. But when I'm working in groups for my science classes/have to converse with other science majors/pre-med kids, I just don't feel like I fit in. Whereas sitting in my theatre classes and working with those students makes me really feel at ease. Even writing these songs, recording them, and making these videos feels really good.

I feel hypocritical, that I can't devote myself to either theatre or pre-med. Several nights ago I laid in bed realizing college is devastatingly un-exciting to me. And I got worried that I might be missing out on something, but I'm just too damn scared to try new things because I think I have to study all the time, but then I end up not-studying so much because I'm stressing about how much this all sucks so I'm just unproductive in every single aspect when I in fact could be working on a new song or writing a play/screenplay or going over lines for my scenes or trying new things in general (like what exactly fuck if I know but it's out there).

My dream is that I want to make in impact in the world, somewhere, be it community, city, state, nation, or world. And I want to do so through music or writing or both.

Then...what am I supposed to do?




Also, my sister is just too kind. Mucho love, sis.