5.

View from Heaven, by Yellowcard.

Acoustic cover by me.



I remember I thought alot about this song back then. Doing this song now certainly does not reflect my current feelings on the matter, but I just thought I'd be a nice song to do. Yeah.

And I have to wonder, what does it all mean to me? Why do I take the time to reflect, each year? All I ever do differently on this day in terms of routine is throw on a necktie, dress a little spiffier overall, and maybe write something. I don't want to say I'm commemorating. But I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Am I afraid to forget?

I insist on dodging the inevitable question I get from people who don't know what's up, when the remark "Oh you look nice today, what for?" Or some variation of the question. I always reply, "Oh...I just felt like it. No reason." But then that means I've lied. And by lying, does that mean I'm ashamed, or something? I'm embarrassed that I take the time to remember someone?

Well shit, it could just be personal. I was pretty affected, so for people who don't know me that well, I just don't feel like opening up about it. I usually don't open up to people around here in general anyways.

Why do I feel somewhat self-conscious about this, then. I was thinking last night and realized that one day I'll probably have a lapse in memory and forget about today. And the only times I'll remember it is if someone brings up suicide and I may or may not comment, "I knew someone who committed suicide while I was in high school." And will I then reflect, at that very moment? Feel bad I've forgotten?

I was never really connected to Ashleigh or knew her that well personally. Maybe it has to do with how this was the first time I've had to deal with suicide, personally, because well, she used to babysit us and all. So she's kinda like an older sister? But not really?

I think too much. But despite all my thoughts...

Ashleigh Webster

Always remembered

Always loved