Monday, June 15, 2009

Romeo & Juliet: The Alternate Ending

You know, if Romeo had been a necrophiliac, everything would've been just dandy. He'd come back and find Juliet, and cry "Damn, she's dead. But hey you know, I'm cool with that!" So then he'd steal her body and run away, and just before he'd start defiling her supposedly lifeless body, whoa! Juliet wakes up, looks at Romeo in relief because obviously her hubby came back for her, but that's soon replaced with complete shock and a tad bit of disgust. She'd most likely ask him, "Romeo, what the fuck! Were you just about to do what I think you were about to do?!" And Romeo would quickly cover up his story and his exposed parts by explaining "Oh, well, I received news you were dead, came back to see for myself, and yup, you were dead all right, then I kinda took your body anyways but hey! Look at that, you're alive! I guess everything works out then, right?" Juliet would then forgive Romeo for almost date-raping her, Romeo would seek professional help for his necrophilia problem, and they'd live happily ever after.

----

Some individual more clever than I originally thought of the idea of Romeo being a necrophiliac solving the problem in Shakespeare's famous tragedy. I thought it was brilliant and decided to embellish it a bit.