Bitter-

I realized this is very well the last Christmas and New Year's we'll be spending in this house. It's kinda sad. Just about everything I remember about growing up happened while we lived here. I think I've been somewhat denying the fact that we have to leave eventually.

Voyaged to the mountain house. But knowing we'd be leaving that house as well is more tangible at the moment.

While there, I paced around the place and realized with musing interest that three different girls I've liked have walked through these halls and rooms: one I never admitted any affections to, one where I did so as a means just to get things off my chest from the year previous, and one where a relationship had actually been established (and was good while it lasted). Meh heh, interesting days...

Quite a good bit of snow still remained, probably somewhere between 3-5 inches. It was still soft but retained just the right amount of moisture, perfect for playing in. But I didn't have the desire to frolic in the snow and didn't join my siblings as they ventured around the property. 1) I was feeling too cold and 2) I just feel somewhat disenchanted (huh, that's something that seems to keep popping up consistently of late...) We're at the house to figure out what we're keeping/selling/getting rid of. I felt like I needed to help our mother organize this info. I just feel some sort of pressure these days to grow the fuck up and get with reality. I oddly still feel like some dumb kid, but it's high time I start assuming responsibilities. There's just so much to plan and do in the upcoming months. It's stressful. It's hectic. It feels unfair that our father had to do this.

I recalled all the times I spent sweating underneath the summer sun driving the tractor cutting the fields of grass, the cold, brisk winter evenings and nights spend with family and friends outside on the deck around the fire pit making smores. I remember that ridiculous year our entire family was there for Christmas and just about EVERYONE got a stomach flu and spent hours in front of a toilet at one point. That place was basically a quarantine.  I remember the first all nighter I had there Christmas morning when my brother was snoring too loudly so I couldn't sleep and decided to toast a bagel and watch Rent instead. All the times we spent on the lake boating and wakeboarding.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being fucking sentimental. Another ya-don't-know-what-you-appreciate-'till-it's-gone moment? I need to stop having those.

-sweet

It's a brave new world...or something like that.

Music dump time!








^This song never fails to put me in a better mood, regardless of how shitty I've been previously. 'Dern you Clara, what with your contagious songwriting, voice, and cuteness.

Weak Sauce

Ciao.

So it was a little pretty different this year, I suppose. Everything's seemingly out of order and Christmas itself didn't feel the same, but we made it as best we as could. I tried a mac 'n cheese recipe I found online I've been meaning to try. It's pretty good. Gruyere cheese, or whatever 'dem Frenchies call it.

If what I wanted for Christmas was to find inner peace/a state of content-ness (because asking for happiness is a taller order than content-ness), is that selfish?

I realize I have a habit of thinking too much about the past and future, but never about the present. Maybe I should change that. I smell a new year's resolution.

Like last Christmas, I pulled and all nighter and watched RENT in the morning. Good tradition.

So my thoughts aren't exactly coherent and organized at the moment...

I'm beginning to think I might be bipolar. Isn't that it, flipping so rapidly from state of severe depression to a content, more energized state, or back and fort again? Maybe it's like a wave, what with its peaks and valleys.

It's not that I dislike you. I'd like to think one day we could be friends, but I don't think we'll ever be as close/good friends as we once were. Do I need more time? Probs. I don't even know if it matters to you anymore. Didn't think it would...what is this, I don't even.

I'm literally falling asleep at my computer. That's probably a sign to go to freaking sleep already.

My hair is starting to reach another awkward length.

Also, bitches aain't shit. haaaa, so sleepy.

Christmas 2010

This year, Christmas spirit is pretty lost on me.  Forcing myself to play/sing Christmas songs through the days is fun and all, but I'm still stuck in such a funk. 

Anyways, I mentioned earlier how "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is my favorite Christmas song, this year. So, I decided to finally record a multi-track and do an accompanying video, using this song. 

yay for mediocre vocals...

It was pretty fun though. I've been meaning to attempt a project like this, but I haven't had so much spare time on my hands. I realize recording the music, video, and editing it all together takes quite a number of hours. This endeavor has made my respect go up even more for the various youtube artists I follow. I wonder what song I'll attempt next. 

You know what, screw it. It's Christmas, I'm gonna try to enjoy the day and the meanings surrounding it. 

But first, a nap :P

Perspective

Supposedly unnecessary? I say I'll decide for myself what's necessary and what isn't. 

I find myself overwhelmed with a storm of emotions that has persisted over the past two months. The cause of the tempest boils down to three things, though I'll admit some have more precedence over the others. 

For one: 

Was I fooled, earlier? Did I kid myself into thinking I was ready? 

A ghost. 

A fucking. Ghost. 

I'm fucking tired of dealing with goddamn ghosts. 

I realize I'm still unbelievably injured. A fucking shitton of salt got dumped on me after the laceration. So, I will take all the time I damn well need. 

I was only fooling myself. I saw the remains of a bridge and I cautiously inched my way across only to make it maybe a quarter of the way before I was blown by a gale that ripped beams of charred wood off the structure. I jumped back, realizing my folly. 

Do I set fire to the remains, completing its destruction, or do I simply gate off the entrance: Closed due to inclement weather? 

If it's closed temporarily, then boy, am I in for a fucking blizzard. 

And all the while I gaze across the abyss to the other side of the bridge and observe clearer skies and warm sun. This storm is pretty fucking prejudiced. What an ass. 

5 Hour Energy

What it says on the side of the little bottle:

Consumption of product may result in side affects which include: 


>Disappointment by still being dangerously sleepy/tired


>Sudden outburst of rage escalating into a 30-40 minute emotional breakdown of tears, hysterics, further rage, depression. 


Advisory: consume when driving alone in your car so you may try to use loud music to muffle crying and screams that result in near-destruction of throat.


-----

I was at my friends' wedding today, and instead of enjoying myself and being happy for them, I was feeling depressed and bitter throughout the ceremony and whatever part of the reception I stuck around for. I'd still call myself something of a romantic, but I'm hopelessly disenchanted with marriage/weddings now.

Cassie and John, I wish you happiness and the best of luck in your marriage. May you find eternal joy, understanding, and support in one another.




I'm so tired. So. fucking. tired. Just...tired, of everything.
I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Do you like pancakes?

YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES. 

I like pancakes. I've recently discovered how easy they are to cook, though I've yet to make the actual batter from scratch, heh heh.

It's great that I just had the privilege of a stress-free morning where I could prepare myself pancakes and sausage. Today, I went with blueberries, and made the cakes larger than how I usually pour so that they filled the bottom of a small pan (maybe 7-8" diameter). So good. Shame that I don't wake up early enough to appreciate a great breakfast, but in the past couple of weeks, my all-nighters consequently run into the mornings and I'm able to fiddle around with breakfast/brinner.

I appreciate the simplicity breakfast can have, to prepare a meal of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. A glass of cold milk and/or orange juice. End with coffee. Nothing fancy, but very filling and satisfying. I would just love to prepare this, or just any type of breakfast, for a girl during the morning-after...wait what.

So I've been trying to work on a food blog, except I think putting it on tumblr was a mistake. I did it mainly to try tumblr out, but I feel tumblr is more of a journal/diary style blog system. It's fun and simple,  but almost juvenile. And I'm not finding some kind of save system that works well. I'd written up an entire post a few days ago, except my browser froze and when I reopened, my post was gone. Nothing was saved. I was pretty pissed. I maybe just start my food blog over using a different blogging server.

And I seriously need to get back on a normal sleep schedule.

Que Sera, Sera

Felt like I'd kinda given up several days ago. I'm not expecting good results. It's been a rather...off...semester. 

But meh. What'll happen'll happen, yeah? I'm just glad I finally have a breather. Sort of. 

I had a little celebration in mind, buuuuuuuuuut I wasn't sure if it's too early in the day to celebrate (or is it ever too early to celebrate?) Point being, passing out into slumber seems much more appealing at the moment. 

"People say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. 


BULLSHIT. LIFE IS LONG. 


YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA GET HIT BY A BUS AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CHOICES YOU MAKE FOR THE NEXT FIFTY YEARS."


------

Oh the things I stumble upon on stumbleupon.

WALLACE: Maybe you can move in with Ramona.
SCOTT: She's with Gideon.
WALLACE. Oh, man. It's probably just because he's better than you.


I feel ya, Scotty. I feel ya. As easy as it seems to just be stark-raving angry, all ya feel is depressed.

Say goodbye, and just fly away

This semester/year seems to have me utterly beat. It's been phenomenally shitty, so to speak. I am at my knees in complete defeat. 

...interestingly enough, I really didn't intend for all of that to rhyme. 

I've concluded life would be unbearable without two things: music and booze. I know squat about Nietzsche, but I love what he said about music. Then I've gotta hand it to Brick, the misguided character from the Williams play. 

Something I absolutely love doing is finding songs that express things in life or emotions experienced. Wailing to that one song that speaks volumes about a gloomy vibe when you can't, or dancing wildly with the tune that emulates unimaginable joy that does wonders: perfect. 

Which also brings me to say, driving alone in one's car is the absolutely perfect place to perform the described actions (but please be safe in doing so - this is the road, for crying out loud.) Sometimes I imagine cars are like confessionals where people can let loose taxing emotions and unbearable feelings, both the good and bad. I know I do when I'm in good ol' Carla. 

So I'm on my way to everyone's favorite SLC, and what comes up on my ipod? Why, my all time favorite Maroon 5 song, of course. It's probably one my favorite songs ever, even. I immediately begin jamming out in my car. I can seriously listen to this anytime during any emotion I might be feeling. Super stoked I aced that one paper? Rock out in celebration to this song, of course. Indescribably depressed, lonely and then that nervously-nearing-empty handle of rum  gleams at you from its corner? Why, just wail as loud as humanly possible with this song. 

Words can't describe how much I adore this. Maybe if I said I'd probably go gay just for Adam's voice in this song, would that help? 

...wait, what. 

I absolutely love how the end of the first chorus goes: 

There must be someplace here that only you and I could go, so I can show you how I -- dream away, everyday, try so hard to disregard the rhythm of the rain that drops and coincides with the beating of my heart. 

Then the second chorus pulls a fast one with: 

There must be someplace here that only you can I could go, so I can show you how I -- feel, feel, feel. 

Oh man. Gotta love it. 

Maroon 5, you guys make everything better. 

Brain Dump.1

Because it's a jumble of musings that aren't exactly connected but are noted here anyways.


1.

A poem should not mean

But be.

~Archibald MacLeish

I came across this quote while studying for my Script Analysis final. David Ball references it in his book Backwards and Forwards: A Technical Manual for Reading Plays. I absolutely adore this book because Ball puts all the intricacies of analyzing the way plays function in a humorous, easily accesible method.

But I like this quote because it really does emphasize why some/most poems are written. Why do scholars spend eons analyzing poems or literature? What if the authors just wanted to write a damn poem and didn't give a shit if they were trying to have some underlying message? Geez people.


2.

"Whatever you give to a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So -- if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

I stumbled. I read. I laughed. I contemplated the truths in this saying.


3.

While studying bio, came across this sentence: "...whereby the cellular membrane invaginates and engulfs..."

invaginates.  teehee, lollerskates, I'm so mature.


4.

Feelin' awfully bitter so far about this Christmas season. Maybe it'll blow over when finals are over. Or not. In the meantime, my favorite Christmas song this year seems to be "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." There's something so sentimental about the lyrics that I find brutally ironic yet strangely comforting.



Then I've also taken a liking to "Grown Up Christmas List," preferably the Michael Buble version (because hey, who doesn't love Buble's voice) The lyrics feel as equally heartbreaking as the above mentioned song. Good grief, what is up with my liking less-cheery Christmas songs?


5.

I am most, most nocturnal. It's unbelievable. I can't even change it. Tried going to bed one night around 4AM, ended up sleeping a full 14 hours, which I've never done before. WTF SERIOUSLY. 

THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR WHEN DECIDING TO DATE SOMEONE

Oh goodness, why didn't I think of this sooner.

CAG:

Can.
You.
Make.



AWESOME.



SANDWICHES?

The Funnies

I admire comic artists who write their own scripts. I feel like the people who can accomplish this possess talents for both drawing as well as writing. Kudos, comic artists, kudos.

In recent years (or maybe in the recent decade,) I've noticed webcomics have become a pretty big thing. Readers can get weekly doses of about 4+ panels to make them laugh, ponder, or just keep up with a story arc that's been progressing over recent days. Webcomics also foster a community among artists as I've seen guest artists take over updating someone's series for a day as they draw and sometimes write in the original characters but with a twist on style.

But now there are numerous cases where a webcomic doesn't need a refined style or where the artist doesn't have to be super-talented in a drawing sense. Take for example Cyanide&Happiness,  xkcd, or TheDogHouseDiaries. I wouldn't say any of these comic series blow me away with fantastic drawing skills. Instead, their success lies in the writing, or the punchlines, I suppose. What these series have in common is the ability to peak readers' interest in the simple, clean format of their panels, only to slap them in the face with a witty/sarcastic/clever ending. I feel that CH is notorious for this. The language in xkcd is more or less science/math based with references to some current events, and added with a dash of romantic-wittiness.  I imagine not everyone who reads xkcd will pick up on all of the artist's humor, but I admire just how smart alot of the work is. The people of TheDogHouseDiaries use a style that I feel is kinda similar to xkcd, except their range of topics and punchlines are more rounded than the former's.  Sometimes less is more, simple is better, and there's no denying that these three webcomic series embody that idea.

And as for series that I feel DO display a certain talent...

I've long been following VGcats, for one. It used to be updated every Monday, but well. Busy people are busy and it gets updated irregularly. This series is heavily videogame inspired. So granted, knowledge of the game each comic alludes to would be important. Something I also enjoy is going back to the first comic uploaded and observing how the artist's style changes over time. VGcats is definitely an example of that. Another interesting thing is Scott Ramsoomair also updates another series on the side (that is still accessible from the main VGcats page) titled SuperEffective. It's basically a parody of Pokemon, what's not to love?

Foxtrot is a series that reminds me of being a kid, probably because I must've been around 10 or 11 when I first read one of the Foxtrot books that belonged to my friend. The humor greatly appealed to me then: crazy family of five, youngest, mega-geek supersmart brother likes to harass somewhat self-absorbed middle-sister while the oldest brother whose lightning-fast metabolism prevents him from gaining muscle mass to impress chicks can't care less and meanwhile the dad is pretty oblivious to his kids' antics but tries to understand anyways while the mom, who appears to be the only sane one, is the linchpin that keeps the family together. Bill Amend will also semi-frequently allude to things geekdom like Star Wars, computers, or Dungeon and Dragons, which is pretty cool. Today though, he runs a webcomic of the same series which I enjoy checking up on every now and then. He still continues referring to pop culture things; one strip he alluded to the double rainbow guy! I laughed pretty hard. He still continues writing comics for Sunday papers and occasionally releases Foxtrot collections, or anthologies. Books, basically.

And finally, something I've recently discovered: GirlsWithSlingshots. This series revolves mainly around  two best friends and their friend group as they all deal with life, love, and everything else in between. I'd definitely describe the series as raunchy since most of its humor draws from sex, relationships, and alcohol, with a little bit of homoeroticism and some things girl-related mixed in. I think it's a clever, witty, and hilarious webcomic that Danielle Corsetto (artist) also releases in buyable book collections.

I've never heard about this series until several nights ago, and now I'm completely hooked. Damn you, stumbleupon, damn you.

Now I should be studying for my final instead of writing an essay about webcomics. Crap.

Totally looks like...

Watched Scott Pilgrim for the SIXTH time now ohmygodsomeonestopme.

And I noticed Envy Adams (Scott's ex) during her performance on stage looks ALOT like Misa from the Deathnote series. I tried searching for a picture of both characters so I can compare them, but as it turns out, someone's beat me to it:

Whaaaaaaaaat. Trippy. But yeah, there they are. 

For more humorous look-a-likes, check out totallylookslike.com. It's great. And uncanny, I might add. 

Nocturnal. Yep.

So here's the screenplay I wrote for my theatre history class. Description at the bottom, after the piece.

...

So what I don't mention are my thoughts on the scene between Sam and Rachel the second time he takes King, the part where Rachel tells Sam she can't be the only one to save him. 

When I wrote those lines (I think this was around 3 or 4AM,) I freaked out. I wondered where the hell did I get the idea to start using near-direct quotes from my personal life. I had to stop writing to take a walk around the SLC. Sure maybe my brain was fried from the lack of sleep and it got desperate and just started using whatever ideas it could come up with to put on paper. And yeah, mostly the things I write creatively have influences from my personal life, but never, ever have I used lines that are pretty much directly referring/almost plagiarizing things that have happened to me.  

****edit* :NEVER-EFFING-MIND, I'm not quite sure what  I was thinking. It's the nights, you know, I think too much PLUS my sleep schedule is all effed. Granted I feel Rachel's lines are kinda eerie to me, but they're not say, verbatim, of things. I don't know. wth am I doing. Move along now, nothing to see here. ***

But in the end I figured what the hell, no one's gonna know this when I present in class, so I let those lines be. I suppose the ones who would know are the ones the events pertain to. 

Sometimes I wonder, can one ever be a good writer if all he uses for inspiration are personal feelings? 

To be continued. 

The Night Starts Here

There's something inexplicably alluring about the wee hours of the night. Or is it the wee hours of the morning? You know what I mean.

So begins my biannual camp-outs here in the SLC. Gotta love its 24 hours of operation, JUST for us students who study like this during finals. Woohoo. The silence and near-emptiness of the building is eerie and uncanny, but I just love it so much. Because usually, there are kids walking around all over the place, it's noisy, it smells like sweat and coffee, tables are crowded, bathrooms are crowded, computers are occupied. But at a time like this, it's...peaceful. Calm. I kinda wish the SLC were open 24 hours most of, if not all, the time.

Call me crazy, but I kinda like spending the nights in this building. It's brutal. I'm probably inches away from contracting some volatile illness every time I do this. But something about arming myself with coffee, energy drinks, food, layers of warm clothing, and a steely determination make the experience so pleasant. Meh.

But hey, I'm not as bad as some kids. The SLC has quite a number of group study rooms scattered throughout its floors. These have lock-less doors and large floor to ceiling windows so you can see in/out of the room (wouldn't want people doing illicit things in these rooms behind lock doors...meh heh heh).  During the day and until about 12AM, these rooms are high in demand just because they provide some isolation from the busy atmosphere. So last year during finals time, I made my nightly visits, and after several returns, I noticed one or two rooms always had the same group of people in them. I realized, these people were rotating out so they could always have this room! They had some blankets and even pulled in some of the lounge chairs, sometimes boxes of take out and pizza were strewn across the floor and table. These kids took turns staking out this room to ensure they always had a place to study, since it's damn near IMPOSSIBLE to find even a place to sit in this building during the day during finals. Seeing these kids go to lengths to keep this spot was so sad to bear...and yet I felt unusually envious. I wish I had a group of friends that would camp out with me in the SLC during finals time. They just think I'm crazy I even come to the SLC at such late hours. Hmph.

So I spend nights in the SLC. Go to class/take my final, go home, sleep until about 6-8PM, wake up, eat, repeat. Fun times.

I just function better during the night. Walking outside through campus where there isn't a single person around nor a car that drives by is quite calming. I can think better, more clearly.

And because I think more clearly, I can rationalize myself. Nowadays it almost seems like I'm bipolar. I'll go from super content, happy, life's good/I know what I'm doing and it's alright everything's fine one day, to depressed, mopey, god-why-do-I-do-this-what's-the-fucking-point on another day.

In recent days, I'm surprised at you. I realize I didn't need your condescending pity, your hypocrisy. I can't stand arrogance. Your fakeness. Which I find cruelly ironic because fakeness was something you used to be adamantly against, but I guess people change. And, I didn't think you were that type of person who would do something like that.

I know I'm being extremely passive-agressive about this. But I guess some people don't change.

Also now that I've had time to think about it more, I feel I wasn't given the whole truth, that there was something you failed to bring up that night, but it's ok because maybe you didn't realize it then, and maybe today you still don't, but now I do. I guess people change.



Well this has been a mildly interesting spectrum of feelings. Let's end with a song, shall we? If you're expecting the song I've aptly used as the title, I'm afraid I have unfortunate news for you: it's not gonna be that song. Instead, I've lately been in a Ben Folds groove, and I just dig his recent album.

Ben Folds, with Nick Hornby (lyrics), "From Above"

Isn't this music video just grand?

"If you don't like the Beatles, then we can't be friends."

I wondered about this, CAG. Do you listen to The Beatles? Please say yes.

"Fuck You"

Ok, I'll admit I'm the kind of person to hear a song for the first time and then like it after seeing it performed on a popular TV show.

Obviously I'm talking about Glee. And the song I'm referring to is when Gwyneth Paltrow did "Forget You," by Cee Lo Green. Honestly, the original artist that came to my mind was Michael Jackson. I was found incorrect. And since it's the first time I heard the song, I didn't know this is actually the clean version. The song is aptly titled "Fuck You."



And for some reason I felt it'd be funny to try to re-write the lyrics into something more fancy, like that internet meme that's been going around, showing a picture of a classical-style painting of a guy smiling with his fingers pointing out at you. For example:

Obviously this is pretty epically-overkill. 

So here we go: Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You," fancified lyrics! 

Chorus: 

I notice your operating of your automobile around the local residences with the woman I adore sitting in your passenger seat, and I say, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself." 

I then ponder and conclude what little currency I possessed was unsatisfactory, and I say, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself," and, "I sincerely wish she performs intercourse with herself, also." 

I declared, "If I did indeed posses a monetary amount that would make me vastly wealthy, I might have been in a committed relationship with you, to this very day." But I jest, for is that not a laughable matter comparable to a pile of feces? 

And although I am currently experiencing a sensation similar to a mild cardiac infarction, I still desire that you remain in the best health possible, and I will give you this blessing in the form of my saying, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself." 

Verse 1: 

Yes I indeed apologize for not possessing the monetary wealth to purchase an extravagant, luxurious Italian sports car; however, this does not indicate that I am incapable of providing you with transportation to whichever destination of your choosing. 

I speculate that the man could be something comparable to a piece of advanced technology licensed by Microsoft, while I, on the other hand, can be something comparable to a much more outdated piece of technology with a similar function, manufactured by an older, now French-owned company. However, the way you carry out your methods of entertainment seems to be a cheat to the rest of us. 

Pre-chorus:

I will express my greatest sympathies for the next imbecile who decides to adore you. 

(Alas! She only desires a man for his exorbitant financial standing!)

Well, 

(I just speculated you should be aware of this information, my African-American friend)

I possess some new information that I intend to relay to you. Yes, leave and hasten to your new, but shorter man so that you may tell him everything I have declared. 

(Chorus)

Verse 2

Now I am fully aware that I had to request items with a promise to return them, tearfully plead for them, take them by force without one's consent, and use methods that would give me an unfair advantage. 

I did my absolute best to ensure you remain with me and to ensure everything I did was satisfactory, because being in a committed, adoring relationship with your buttocks is quite expensive. 

Pre-chorus

Oh, at this very moment, I find myself absolutely despising your buttocks. 

(Chorus)

Bridge: 

Now, little new born, little new born, little new born, why would you desire to inflict physical and/or emotional pain on me with such cruel intentions?

(Cruel intentions! Cruel intentions! Cruel intentions!)

I attempted to speak to my mother, but she simply replied, "this is one for your father."

(Your father! Your father! Your father)

Yes, indeed my mother did state that.

And I loudly interject!  And I wonder aloud "why!" I loudly interject again, and wonder aloud "why, female person!" I continue on my outbursts and cry aloud, "I possess feelings of adoration for you! Yes, I still possess feelings of adoration for you!" And I finish with one last, prolongated interjection. 

Chorus: 

I notice your operating of your automobile around the local residences with the woman I adore sitting in your passenger seat, and I say, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself." 

I then ponder and conclude what little currency I possessed was unsatisfactory, and I say, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself," and, "I sincerely wish she performs intercourse with herself, also." 

I declared, "If I did indeed posses a monetary amount that would make me vastly wealthy, I might have been in a committed relationship with you, to this very day." But I jest, for is that not a laughable matter comparable to a pile of feces? 

And although I am currently experiencing a sensation similar to a mild cardiac infarction, I still desire that you remain in the best health possible, and I will give you this blessing in the form of my saying, "I sincerely wish you perform intercourse with yourself." 

Change

1. Times I've watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: 5.

2. First time I've watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (what? so judge me). And I'm rather curious about one thing: if these extravagant costumes and outfits aren't for sale in any of their stores, then why bother having a show? I did think at first maybe it's to sort of feature and accentuate the bras and underwear worn by the models, but then at most times, the outfits don't even have a bra. So my question still stands. Maybe I'm missing the point of fashion shows, in general. It's ok though, I didn't dwell on this issue so much. Just sit back and enjoy, I told myself.

3. I don't really know how to explain this change. Maybe I'm over it. Maybe after beating the issue to death to ears that would listen, I realize it's not worth freaking over. It's not my problem, and I should just move on. Of course it's not all gone, it's not all entirely good and low thoughts of frustration and sadness slightly lurk about, but I suppose that's expected, after all. Fuck you, Time.

4. Maybe it's because I've found a new objective to keep me focused and busy/stressed enough. Honestly at times I feel totally alone on this campus, and in terms of my relationships with whatever few friends I have here, I don't see any improvement but I feel...better, somehow. Maybe better in the sense that I just don't care anymore. The only explanation I can come up with is because now I'm so hell-bent on/stressed the freak out about med school.

5. I think I finally realized the word I've been looking for to describe how I currently feel about love and marriage: disenchanted. Why the hell didn't I think of that word so many months ago, I don't know. But I do know it's the word I've been searching for. I've been wrestling on and off with the question how do married people stay married, and if humans, as species, as organisms on this planet, are meant to find a mate and procreate, then why is the process of finding one so damn hard?

But then, oh wait, the actual act of procreating isn't difficult at all. You don't need any sort of connection, other than primal lust, to procreate for your species. So finding and committing to one mate is the difficult part, then? Fantastic.

6. Now that there are numerous people I know/know of who are engaged/getting married, I have to stop and wonder, holy shit, why are people getting married at such a young age? I sure wouldn't want to enter grad school as a married guy. There's so much more to life and the world that I'd want to experience before even considering marriage (but oh wait, disenchanted, remember?). But I don't want to come off as I'm bashing those people for getting married, no. If they're certain of their love and connection, then hey, more power to them. It's just not for everyone, right.

7. I have things to say/ponder aloud concerning friendship between guys, between girls, and between guys and girls. I did write some shit down here, buuuuut it's rather scattered. TBPAEOAAT (to be polished and elaborated on at another time.)

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

Read the Tennessee William's play for class. First time reading Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, for me, so I decided to jot down some lines I particularly liked.

-------------------

MARGARET: Living with someone you love can be lonelier -- than living entirely alone! -- if the one that y'love doesn't love you....
I, 177-178

BIG DADDY: ...I've lived with mendacity! -- Why can't you live with it? Hell, you got to live with it, there's nothing else to live with except mendacity, is there?
BRICK (lifting his glass): This! --Liquor...
BIG DADDY: That's not living, that's dodging away from life.
BRICK: I want to dodge away from it.
BIG DADDY: Then why don't you kill yourself, man?
BRICK: I like to drink...
~II, 694-702

BRICK: A drinking man's someone who wants to forget he isn't still young an' believing.
BIG DADDY: Believing what?
BRICK: Believing....
BIG DADDY: Believing what?
BRICK (stubbornly evasive): Believing....
~II, 746-751

BRICK: Mendacity is a system we live in. Liquor is the one way out an' death's the other....
~II, 965-966

OH YEAH, SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Officially registered for the MCAT.

Commence MCAT preparation, and intense, hardcore stressing.

Next semester is going to suck balls.


Alas, it appears even if I tried, I'd have no time for you, CAG. Why bother. Sad days.

Thanks, dude.

I had something pretty lengthy written up, but I realized it all seemed jumbled. Honestly I can't find the words to make a complete and coherent post because I feel really ok, which is good because it's a helluva alot better than I've felt in recent weeks. Anything I write serves as an outlet, and I suppose when I can't write, I'm in a decent, content state of mind. Which is good, I suppose.

Basically, Thanksgiving was great, I helped cook, and I'm so so so very thankful for my great family and what few, amazing friends I have.

Also, I've now watched Scott Pilgrim vs. the World a total of four times now. Four! Insanity! And Ellen Wong in this movie is super cute. Too bad I think she looks better at the beginning of the film, before she gets her haircut.

Recognition

He stood in line, tapping his foot anxiously, looking at his watch, checking his teeth in the reflection of his cell phone. He hated waiting in line, and on top of that, he was running late. He contemplated skipping his usual morning coffee when he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder and heard a voice behind him.

"Hey," the voice said cautiously. A female's, he detected. He turned around to face this person, and her curious expression lit up...(continued)

I dunno. Didn't feel like having all of it here.


On a side note, I love my family. They're great.

How to avoid the backscatter and pat down:

Found a really interesting post from another blog I follow. Or rather, this blog linked to another blog that actually had the post.

It concerns the recent (or semi-recent? I'm so out of touch with current events) controversies/rants about the TSA backscatter machines and pat-down procedures at American airports. This person found a way to bypass both of these procedures on his flight home from Paris. Read his post to find out. 

Solace

One of my favorite Scott Joplin songs is "Solace."


This guy does a pretty good job of how I interpret the piece.


Specifically, I love the D section of the piece, or I guess the final section, the conclusion. The way I like the D section is that the repeat is played a little slower, softer, somber, than the first time through is played. I use the una corda pedal (I think is what it's called, the one on the very left) to enhance that soft sound. Sometimes I'll also abuse the sustaining pedal as well with the repeat, playing through the entire section without letting the dampers fall so that ever single note rings the entire time. I like to imagine the combined effects of the pedals combined with the adjusted dynamics and tempo create a very eerie, forlorn feeling, but at the same time, the melody is indeed somewhat remorseful but carries a slightly uplifting undertone, and the entire piece ends on an inspiring, hopeful chord.

The song as a whole just comes together beautifully. It's not entirely happy, but it's not entirely depressing either. It's...a comforting song. Solace, as its appropriately titled. I love playing this piece when I'm feeling a little down.

Let it burn

It doesn't seem to smart, burn, scald, sear, sting, smoulder, or singe anymore. Instead I'm rather mystified, curious, and somewhat dumbfounded. 

All I can think is seriously? What the hell. 

WTF Japan seriously

...I need a drink. 

strange nights

1. Sometimes I like to think there's more than just this universe, that we exist in a verse in a series of verses, a multiverse (ok I kinda got that term from the Jet Li movie One that came out x-many years ago. Was an ok movie, action-y, but the concept was intriguing.) Basically, every action we take has a different outcome, or every choice we make has a different consequence. We could decide to go somewhere, and the events that follow are how that verse pans out. Or in another verse, we have the same decision to go somewhere, and we don't, and then those events carry on in a separate, parallel verse. And all these decisions just keep unfolding and multiplying in an infinite number of parallel verses. Maybe it's just thinking about how things could have been different, if I'd done something better that one night, or even further back to when I decided to start talking to that person. How is my other self faring in those verses? Am I happier? Am I different? Do my other selves think of me?

2. Got to see and meet the guys of Wongfu Productions! They were capping off their fall 2010 college tour. Great friend of mine on the exec board of the group that hosted them got me into the event. I ended up helping the officers with...well whatever they needed help with. Eventually Ted needed someone to sell Wongfu merch, and I ended up being that guy. He even let me have a t shirt free of charge! Except I got kinda nervous counting change and whatnot...hey I'm not a Tech student ok? In the end, I got them to sign my ukulele. Yeah, random thing to sign, but I thought it'd be cool. Exciting!

3. Saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World for a second time. I actually bought the DVD. Which is crazy because I never buy movies unless I absolutely love them. Rent is the only other DVD I own. Chyeah. Seeing Scott Pilgrim again was great fun. This movie makes me wish I could play an instrument kick-ass-ed-ly in a band. And be in a league of evil ex boyfriends. That would be...interesting. Mwahaha.

"You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously!"

"We are Sex Bob-omb, and we're here to:

1. make you think about death and feel sad and stuff!"
2. make money and sell out and stuff..."
3. watch as Scott Pilgrim kicks your teeth in!" 

"He punched the highlights out of her hair!"

4. Frailty, thy name is woman! I feel like this line from Hamlet is just emblazoned across my vision in bright, flashing, red font.

5. I'm starting to question if I have a problem now. Even when I feel somewhat better about this thing on some nights more than others, I STILL have a craving within me for that...feeling. Like tonight. I feel like I could care less about that, whatever, done, move on, but I still want to make myself stupid.

Yeah, I lied to you. I don't know if you care. I sure as hell don't.

Animals and M&Ms

Animal, by Neon Trees.

Ok, yeah, this song has been out for a year. Gimme a break, I haven't been listening to much mainstream/radio the past several months (are these guys main stream now?)

But hey, it's currently my new favorite song.

Also, kick-ass female drummer! (like Kim from Scott Pilgrim anyone?) A cool person I know says the coolest people in the bands are the drummers. She's probably right.

And I think the bassist has the same strap as Rivers Cuomo:

In other less exciting events, the other night as I was sitting at a computer. Random girl sits at computer next to me, asks to borrow my calculator. Sure, why not, I can be nice enough. Later on, I got Peanut M&Ms. Apparently I was smacking too loudly when I ate them, said she, and asked me to stop. Geez woman, I let you borrow my calculator. And fine yeah maybe I was unaware I was smacking my lips too audibly, but hey those M&Ms get sticky around my lips, so what?

She was wearing Uggs. She WOULD be wearing f-uggs. Drugs not f-uggs, kids. 

Dramatic Drama is Dramatic.2

Finished watching 꽃보다 남자 (Boys Over Flowers) several weeks ago, but hadn't really gotten around to writing my thoughts on this Kdrama. 


Spoiler warning. You've been warned. 


I'll start by saying this Kdrama is the third tv series that has taken the story of Japanese manga Hana Yori Dango and adapted it using characters, story plots, and settings relevant to its respective countries. Japan of course did its own television adaptation with Taiwan being the next country to adapt the series. I feel like this is starting to be a trend with Kdramas, adapting Japanese manga series into Korean television shows. Uh oh. 


The story is basically as follows: A girl meets rich, powerful, snobby guy, they hate each others guts, then they slowly fall in love, and then the rest of the 20-something episodes are dedicated to breaking them apart and putting them back together. The end. 


This series is pretty funny, or maybe the humor comes from all the romantic-related jokes that are written in. I'm convinced now that actors, or maybe the actresses, are instructed to play the "cute" role, because that seems to be somewhat consistent in the number of Kdramas I've watched or at least sampled. I should probably branch out to different genres than romantic-comedy. 


Speaking of romantic quips, this show pretty much has every. Single. Scenario/event possible. Seriously, I felt that every single cliche, romantic story action that could happen, DID happen in this show. Guy and girl hate each other but then love each other? Check. Guy saves girl's life? Check. Multiple times. Playful carwash scene? Check. Girl trips and guy catches her sparking a oh-my-god-I'm-in-the-arms-of-the-person-I-like feeling? Check. Multiple times. Pushing someone out of the way of a speeding car only to get hit and severely injured himself? Check (even if that didn't happen between two romantic interests.) Guy gets amnesia and forgets his lover? CHECK. 


Basically, if you can think of a cheesy romantic action that can take place in a movie or tv show, 꽃보다 남자 is probably gonna have it, as well as many, many other story mechanisms that Koreans just seem to love so much. Love triangles? This show's got like 5! Maybe more. 


One gripe I had was when the boys get their haircuts almost halfway through the series, Jihoo gets Bieber hair. Fucking. Bieber Hair. Gross. 


But I think my biggest complaint with the storyline that annoyed the hell out of me each and every time it happened was this: 


WHERE THE HELL ARE THE TEACHERS/FACULTY OF THE DAMN SCHOOL WHEN KIDS ARE GETTING BULLIED TO THE POINT OF DEATH? 


Really! Someone's about to throw himself off the top of the school, kids are causing nasty bike accidents, they lock a girl in a classroom only to throw in noxious gas inside with her, not to mention all the emotional abuse the student body causes! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, TEACHERS? 


No sense whatsoever. 


One line I absolutely loved occurred later on in the series when Jandi and her brother are sleeping: 
Brother: "Ahh! Earthquake!"
Jandi: "Earthquake? What do you think this is, Japan?" 


lol Japan. classic. 


Also, something Joonpyo is telling Jandi as they're star gazing: 


"It's a star called Sirius in the Orion constellation."


Wow. False. Sirius is in Canis Freaking Major. I'm not sure if this was a translation error on the subber's part, but I feel like that'd be a hard translation to mess up if the words Sirius and Orion are English-Korean cognates


And what the heck is the relationship between the porridge shop owner and Jihoo's grandfather? They never explained that! unless I missed it. Derp.

Ah, one last thing, a trend I'm starting to notice in Kdramas: actors make kissing look really unnatural. Seriously. It's so awkward to watch, because they're just pursing their lips and kinda mashing them together. If I had to describe it, your lips take the shape as if you were just going to give someone a quick peck on the lips, except instead of a one-second peck, you end up mashing your lips with the other person's lips for, oh I don't know, 10+ seconds. And you don't move your lips either, you just hold them there. It's so unnatural-looking on film.

But in the end, 꽃보다 남자 is a really entertaining Kdrama, save my numerous gripes about nit-picky things. Recommended to anyone who hasn't seen it yet, loves Kdramas, is willing to sacrifice about 26 hours of their time. Although it has been out around the web for over a year now, so everyone's probably seen it already. Heh. 

CAG, you just brightened up my day. Except you're without your headphones. I guess that makes sense, wouldn't want to wear them outside in this weather.

I couldn't help but

smirk sadly at that statement--

a new description?

I'm wondering if

I preferred the radio 

silence between us

You plagued my dreams last

night, and I awoke confused

angry, frustrated

I wish there was a 

spell, something to kick you out

of my head for good

But it makes me feel
better now you're reduced to
a one word label

Now I wonder if
writing in pseudo-haiku
seems absurdly lame.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

How do I describe this movie? Um. How about the coolest. Movie. Ever? Hell yeah. I couldn't help but be awesomely overwhelmed with the visual effects. Everything about this movie is just so clever. The videogame themes. The story lines. The dialogue. It makes me want to read the graphic novel now.

I expected Michael Cera to be, well, Michael Cera. But hey, who else is gonna be the awkward young adult awkwardly stumbling through awkward love interests? That's right. Don't pigeon-hole yourself, man! But Cera aside, everything is just good, explosive fun.

I simply loved the video game theme throughout the film. Probably because it appeals to my inner nerd, but regardless, it really was what made this movie.

Now I said this movie is super cool, but not necessarily amazing. I don't know about it winning any awards in the future, but Scott Pilgrim vs The World is definitely fun. It's great. Not sure how else to describe it but the coolest movie I've ever seen.

Bruno Mars?

Usually I don't care much for the music they play on the radio. But Bruno freaking Mars...why are his songs so contagious. The lyrics are so cheesy, almost lame. But they're good. And the songs come together  so well. He's just...good. I'm quite surprised. 

Here's a song I've recently taken a liking to, except it's a cover someone else did. Why? Because I like this cover. 

Like I said, the lyrics are so sappy. Corny. It oozes with lame-romantics. But I can't stop listening. Although I do particularly like the line "Tell the devil I said 'hey' when you get back to where you're from." I find it rather clever and well written. 

Also. Stop fucking with my dreams. Damn ghosts. 

CAG

Ah, CAG. Once again I am struck by your appearance. Although I must admit if it weren't for the way you rock that pair of kickass headphones, I most likely would not have spotted you. Today marks one week since we first crossed paths; it was your smart style and of course, your headphones, that drew my attention. I wonder what kind of music you listen to?

Sadly today, I observed you were wearing uggs. I cringe at the thought. I almost gave up on you. But I remain intrigued, and am willing to give you one more chance.

I don't even know you. Yet I am strangely attracted to you.

Until next time, CAG. Until next time.

Ghosts

I can gaze into these windows 

and I'm met with the curious expressions of ghosts,  

shadows of our former selves

and though I'm gripped with this feeling that

I know these faces,

Something whispers in my ear

they are not you

and you are not them. 

Are these windows mounted in walls

so high 

and so thick 

that I'll never be able to break them? 

I feel these ghosts in the windows are memories

or maybe they're parts of old souls

tired, worn, broken --

but that Thing

beckons me away from the glass

and now I can detect its foul breath 

raspy voice

telling me to

Wake.

Up.

I have been summoned by the daybreak

and I stumble through this semi-conscious haze

with those ghosts lingering on my mind

but as most dreams tend to do

they too will be 

Forgotten.

dreams.2.1

Maybe it's a time thing.

That I've been sleeping all along. I've been dreaming.

Now that I'm awake, I realize I'm just the same person I was before I started sleeping.

And as with almost all my dreams, I'm forgetting the details of this one. Maybe they'll all be forgotten one day.

A dream is but a shadow. I feel like someone said/wrote that.

Oh right. It's in Hamlet. I think.

dreams.2

All who live are only dreaming.

What is this life? A frenzy, an illusion, a shadow, a delirium, a fiction. The greatest good's but little, and this life is a dream, and dreams are only dreams.


~from Life is a Dream, by Calderón


---------

More and more often I find myself dreaming in layers. I'll start falling asleep, and as I'm starting to get into the lull, I start dreaming. Usually these dreams take place exactly in the location where I'm sleeping, which is normally my room. And oftentimes, there will be people I know in the room with me, watching me as I "wake up" in my dream.

Last week such a dream occurred. I was napping. and I began dreaming that several people I knew were in my room with me as I started waking up. And I felt like I had a grasp of my conscience and dreams enough that I was able to tell them, "go away, I'm dreaming, you're not really here." And they left. I told myself to wake up, this is just me waking up inside my dream. But then I felt something pulling at my arms and legs, as if they were trying to lift me up off my bed. I freaked out. I felt like half my conscience was in my dream, struggling to throw off whatever was pulling me. And my other half was trying to wake up from this dream.

And finally, I did wake up.

Into yet another dream, where I hopped out of my bed and started texting, or was it IMing, a friend about how I have these crazy dreams. Where I keep thinking they're real, because of the location and relatively real chance that such events in these dreams could happen.

Except I suddenly woke up. And this time I was awake for real.

I looked at my clock. about 20 minutes had elapsed since I started falling asleep.

Which is strange because the day before I had napped and dreamed similarly to what I experienced today. And it took about 20 minutes as well before I finally woke up.

Along with these strange dreams, I experience varying degrees of vertigo. I'll feel as if the room is spinning, or I'll feel weightless, or I feel that I have a headache. All these things I feel either as I'm beginning to dream, or as I wake up, either into a new dream or in reality. I've had these dreams for some time now, since last spring semester.

I admit I'm just a tad bit worried. I'm not sure if something is wrong with me.

But at the same time, once I get past the craziness of the double dreams mimicking my reality, sometimes the dreams are quite nice. I find myself wishing I could just sleep and live in my dreams.

And I think these desires are what really scare me.

Question, Answer, Derp.

Got premed advising tomorrow.

And I feel like Dr. Advisor (not his name of course, but he is a doctor, and he is an advisor) is gonna ask me,

Why do you want to go to med school? 

And of course I'll answer, smart-ass-ed-ly,

I want to be a doctor

And he, having talked to hundreds and hundreds of students and knows how to deal with these smart ass kids, will counter,

Ok, then why do you want to be a doctor? 

And my answer will be,

...derp. 


Because honestly, I'm not exactly sure why I want to be one. I mean, a good reason other than "It pays well," "I want to help / like helping others," "My parents/uncle/grandparents/entirefreakingfamily is/are doctor(s)." None of these reasons are particularly valid because:
1. With all these healthcare transmorphfigurations going around, who knows how doctors' salaries will be affected and stating this reason just sounds selfish
2. To enjoy helping others one doesn't need to become a doctor. Hell, join the peace corps, go work in an animal shelter or soup kitchen
3. Just because your family has 3 doctors and 2 dentists (with +1 doctor on the way, holla Brittney nuna) doesn't mean you have to go to med school as well.

But then these reasons are in fact why I'd to med school.
1. I'm scared I'll end up a broke, dirty hobo if I don't work in a career that pays well/I'm a spoiled little bitch who's gotten too comfortable living off his dad's income and now is afraid to do something that will pay less
3. Because a good deal of my family is compromised of shiny MDs, and how I've been partially brainwashed maybe most of my early life into going to med school, becoming a doctor is all I know to do
2. A year or so back I thought I enjoyed helping others. But then I realized maybe I wanted to help others so I can feel useful. Is that being selfish.

I think I fear that I won't have a purpose in my life. Lately I've been thinking lives have purposes. I'm not sure what, but there's got to be an overarching goal, a long term objective, right? Or what's the point. And I once thought I wanted to be a doctor because that's a way I could help people and make me feel satisfied with my life. But then there's the thing where well being a doctor isn't the only way to help others so that means the reason I'd really go into medicine is the money which still brings me right back to being a selfish little snot.

At the same time, I kinda feel being a doctor is something I could do. I'm not sure what else to say on that. It's just something I can see myself doing 10, 15, 20 years from now. Maybe.

Whoa. Shit 20 years is a long time from now. That's all the time I spent getting to my age at the present.

Anyways.

And it's not like I've had some ravaging, cruel disease tear my family apart and so it's become my sworn goal to be a doctor and kick said disease in the rear. Because nothing tragic like that has happened.

And then there's probably gonna be the question of

Well if you don't get into med school, what is your plan B?

And once again, I'll reply,

...derp?


What would I do. I guess I could either
1. Do what other kids do, find an intern/research job, volunteer more, stay busy, maybe retake the MCAT if my scores sucked major balls, and reapply next term or
2. Spit in life's face and say you know what whatever I'll become a gypsy and travel with a theatre troupe using my awesome theatre major skills guess med school wasn't meant to be kthxbai.

And also along the lines of being what I now call a Theatre PreMed major (as a response whenever I'm asked the question), I'm beginning to feel more confident in stating that and explaining my reasons. Maybe that's a good thing. Ooh, the tiniest glimmer of hope.

It's because I figure studying theatre (something I enjoy) will help maintain my sanity while I attempt to beat back the premed sciences (something I do not enjoy). But then I begin to worry well, if I don't enjoy science classes so much, then why do I want to be a doctor? Which is pretty much all science.

Well, then premed students only take these ridiculous classes to show they have a mastery over science and have what it takes to study to be a doctor. Right? Gulp. But then showing a mastery is something I definitely lack (coughfuckyouorganicchemcoughfuckyou.)

Maybe if I just murder the MCAT it'll somewhat redeem my failure in ochem (not a literal failing grade, of course. eep).

And I know not everyone has that epiphany moment, that one burst of nirvana where a sudden light bulb of enlightenment turns on and he realizes the exact reason why he wants to be a doctor, or what he wants to just do, for that matter. More likely alot of kids just work at it knowing it's what they want to do.

Maybe it's as simple as that. I just want to.

Or in the words of Cole from Scrubs, 

"Why the hell not?" 


-------Edit:--------
Well I didn't get asked either question after all. I guess he expects whoever comes in seeking advisement already has his reason for applying to med school. Fair enough.

And afterwards, I felt strangely more confident in what I'm doing. More so than I've felt since...I'm not sure. Maybe my grades were bearing down on my conscience. But Dr. Advisor seems rather reassuring about things like that. Hm. We'll see.

The Importance of Being Earnest

Read The Importance of Being Earnest for a class I'm taking. I remember liking this play when I had to read it in high school. Upon reading it again at this time, I've found I've picked up more quotes from this play. Some of them rather cheeky. Others somewhat satirical. Jolly good, Mr. Wilde. Below I've simply copied down some of the lines/quotes that stood out to me or that I liked.




Act I:


ALGERNON: I really don't see anything romantic about proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. but there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. one usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.
~61-65

ALGERNON: Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right...It is a great truth. It accounts for the extraordinary number of bachelors that one sees all over the place.
~82-86

JACK: My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. it is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression.
ALGERNON: Well, that is exactly what dentists always do.
~149-151

ALGERNON: All women become like heir mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
~529-530

ALGERNON: The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else, if she is plain.
~546-547

JACK: You never talk anything but nonsense.
ALGERNON: No one ever does.
~639-640


Act II


MISS PRISM: No married man is ever attractive except to his wife.
CHASUBLE: And often, I've been told, not even to her.
~181-182

ALGERNON: You can't possibly ask me to go without having some dinner. It's absurd. I never go without my dinner. no one ever does, except vegetarians and people like that.
~765-767


Act III

GWENDOLEN: How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes! Where questions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitely beyond us. 

JACK: We are.

CECILY: They have moments of physical courage of which we women know absolutely nothing.

~54-58

LADY BRACKNELL: To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which i think is never advisable.
~180-183

LADY BRACKNELL: Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
~216-217

Shakespeare on drinking:

Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things: nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes: it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance. Therefore much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him and disheartens him, makes him stand to and not stand to. In conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and giving him the lie, leaves him. 

-from Macbeth, 2.3.21-30

Ah, this is so great. 

flight

mocked, said the mockingbird,
is what you feel, no?
flitting above my desk she flips
forward pages and reveals.
does it seem ironic?
asked she.
indeed it does,
said I.
cruelly so
that your month has
your color?
correct!
was the shrill.
I don't understand,
wailed I.
but she stood silently.
eyes, infinitely dark, stared.
said she,
no one does.
it's a tricky sticky subject,

this.

a sigh

as I opened the window to set her free.
but still she remains
perched on my desk
mocking me.

Redone

I realize why I've stopped when it started.

And now why I've started when it stopped.

Fall.

1. Halloween all but lost its significance on me. Honestly this year I kept forgetting October 31 meant costumes, scary movies on tv, and candy if it weren't for the constant reminders that were decorations I see in peoples' yards, ads on tv and the radio, and of course the freezing college girls in their not-so-weather-smart-"costumes."

Oh didn't anyone tell you? This is a costume party.

"Hey what are you supposed to be?"

"Oh I'm a sexy cat--"

"WHORE."

"A policewoma--"

"WHORE."

"A cowgir--"

"WHORE."

"A lib--"

"WHORE."

Pretty much sums it up. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the right girl with the right body type in the right "costume" that would be pretty hot, but there's a difference between "hot," and "attractive." Another rant for another time.

Although I did enjoy seeing different costumes at

2. the Weezer concert. My god this concert was amazing. So much fun. It didn't occur to me that you could dress up since it was the night before halloween or whatever, but it was fun watching people come in wearing different costumes.

But good god, I don't think I've had this much fun at any sort of public event so far. Rivers Cuomo jumped off the stage and ran around the amphitheater two different times as they were doing songs. People started getting out of their seats and swarming the poor guy. I know we sure did. It was freezing, but we warmed up soon enough from the all the jumping, dancing, screaming/yelling we did. Good bonding times with the sibs, yup yup. If they ever come back, I'm definitely going.

3. So that was the highlight of my break. The rest of my time was spent sleeping and playing Reach. It's sad that I can never get work done when I'm home.

4. And as I was driving back, I couldn't help but notice in front of me the sky was dark, it was night time where I was headed and I looked in my rearview mirror and saw it was still light behind me, the sun just setting in the distance and I couldn't help but get an eerie, cold feeling that this process of me leaving the light and going into the dark was a like metaphor, or foreshadowing for something to happen.