dreams.2

All who live are only dreaming.

What is this life? A frenzy, an illusion, a shadow, a delirium, a fiction. The greatest good's but little, and this life is a dream, and dreams are only dreams.


~from Life is a Dream, by Calderón


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More and more often I find myself dreaming in layers. I'll start falling asleep, and as I'm starting to get into the lull, I start dreaming. Usually these dreams take place exactly in the location where I'm sleeping, which is normally my room. And oftentimes, there will be people I know in the room with me, watching me as I "wake up" in my dream.

Last week such a dream occurred. I was napping. and I began dreaming that several people I knew were in my room with me as I started waking up. And I felt like I had a grasp of my conscience and dreams enough that I was able to tell them, "go away, I'm dreaming, you're not really here." And they left. I told myself to wake up, this is just me waking up inside my dream. But then I felt something pulling at my arms and legs, as if they were trying to lift me up off my bed. I freaked out. I felt like half my conscience was in my dream, struggling to throw off whatever was pulling me. And my other half was trying to wake up from this dream.

And finally, I did wake up.

Into yet another dream, where I hopped out of my bed and started texting, or was it IMing, a friend about how I have these crazy dreams. Where I keep thinking they're real, because of the location and relatively real chance that such events in these dreams could happen.

Except I suddenly woke up. And this time I was awake for real.

I looked at my clock. about 20 minutes had elapsed since I started falling asleep.

Which is strange because the day before I had napped and dreamed similarly to what I experienced today. And it took about 20 minutes as well before I finally woke up.

Along with these strange dreams, I experience varying degrees of vertigo. I'll feel as if the room is spinning, or I'll feel weightless, or I feel that I have a headache. All these things I feel either as I'm beginning to dream, or as I wake up, either into a new dream or in reality. I've had these dreams for some time now, since last spring semester.

I admit I'm just a tad bit worried. I'm not sure if something is wrong with me.

But at the same time, once I get past the craziness of the double dreams mimicking my reality, sometimes the dreams are quite nice. I find myself wishing I could just sleep and live in my dreams.

And I think these desires are what really scare me.