Change

1. Times I've watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: 5.

2. First time I've watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (what? so judge me). And I'm rather curious about one thing: if these extravagant costumes and outfits aren't for sale in any of their stores, then why bother having a show? I did think at first maybe it's to sort of feature and accentuate the bras and underwear worn by the models, but then at most times, the outfits don't even have a bra. So my question still stands. Maybe I'm missing the point of fashion shows, in general. It's ok though, I didn't dwell on this issue so much. Just sit back and enjoy, I told myself.

3. I don't really know how to explain this change. Maybe I'm over it. Maybe after beating the issue to death to ears that would listen, I realize it's not worth freaking over. It's not my problem, and I should just move on. Of course it's not all gone, it's not all entirely good and low thoughts of frustration and sadness slightly lurk about, but I suppose that's expected, after all. Fuck you, Time.

4. Maybe it's because I've found a new objective to keep me focused and busy/stressed enough. Honestly at times I feel totally alone on this campus, and in terms of my relationships with whatever few friends I have here, I don't see any improvement but I feel...better, somehow. Maybe better in the sense that I just don't care anymore. The only explanation I can come up with is because now I'm so hell-bent on/stressed the freak out about med school.

5. I think I finally realized the word I've been looking for to describe how I currently feel about love and marriage: disenchanted. Why the hell didn't I think of that word so many months ago, I don't know. But I do know it's the word I've been searching for. I've been wrestling on and off with the question how do married people stay married, and if humans, as species, as organisms on this planet, are meant to find a mate and procreate, then why is the process of finding one so damn hard?

But then, oh wait, the actual act of procreating isn't difficult at all. You don't need any sort of connection, other than primal lust, to procreate for your species. So finding and committing to one mate is the difficult part, then? Fantastic.

6. Now that there are numerous people I know/know of who are engaged/getting married, I have to stop and wonder, holy shit, why are people getting married at such a young age? I sure wouldn't want to enter grad school as a married guy. There's so much more to life and the world that I'd want to experience before even considering marriage (but oh wait, disenchanted, remember?). But I don't want to come off as I'm bashing those people for getting married, no. If they're certain of their love and connection, then hey, more power to them. It's just not for everyone, right.

7. I have things to say/ponder aloud concerning friendship between guys, between girls, and between guys and girls. I did write some shit down here, buuuuut it's rather scattered. TBPAEOAAT (to be polished and elaborated on at another time.)