Before I begin:
Chocolate.
Mmm...
Delicious as it is, cleaning melted chocolate out of a pot is NOT fun. It's a pain in the tuckus. You can't let it sit under running hot water, expecting it to dissolve away, because it won't. What's your next best option? Manually cleaning it out with a sponge or towel, where it comes off thick and slimy and most unappetizing because it's watery chocolate.
Does that sound delicious? Watery chocolate? Didn't think so.
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(The following are things I've thought about and thought about writing but never have because I felt that it'd be like calling out certain people I know but FUCK IT people are frustrating at the moment so hell, here we go):
Is it bad to be a nice guy? Because I feel that's how I am most of the time: too nice. Is there a difference between being too nice and just being compassionate in general?
I don't understand the enjoyment my friends get in talking about (read: mocking) other people they know. People they aren't even friends with, but maybe they've interacted with a couple of times and have based their entire opinions on those few meetings and perceived actions. They'll rag on this one guy because they once saw him wearing strange pants, and that is ALL they'll talk about when they bring him up. They'll repeatedly mimic and jeer about another guy who's perceived as a try-hard and something of an annoyance to them. Random shit like this will come up in conversations and they'll all have a good laugh about it at these peoples' expense.
I'm not going to call myself a saint and say I've never joined said friends in bouts of jests and mockery. Because I have. But the longer I'm around this group of people, the more often they make fun of others like the two I've mentioned and the more I begin to question their actions. Why are we making fun of these people? Why are we doing so based purely on a pair of pants, or the way someone sings a certain line in an exaggerated way? Sure, I think those actions done by those individuals are odd, but does that mean I have to mock them for it? I don't even know them well at all, so who's to say we need to try to bring them down in our minds?
And then when my friends do interact with said individuals and the like, they act like nothing's wrong at all and they pretend to be tolerable and friendly.
Two-faced, fake-ass, horse shit is what it is, if you ask me.
I don't know if I'll continue to associate myself with these most of these people I hang out with once I leave college. But at the moment, I do consider them as friends. It's just some of these qualities they all seem to share really don't appeal to me.
Time to get sporadic.
Sometimes I feel as if I should get involved, or intervene in some way, but I never actually voice my opinions. I listen way more than speak.
Sometimes I want to help. Sometimes that help isn't always accepted. Sometimes it's ignored. But at least I tried.
I've never fancied the idea of the casual hookup. If I get physical with someone, I've gotta at least know who she is and what she's like as a person. And it's probably best that I like her to some degree. I've just never understood how a guy would get with someone just for sake of getting it on. This is also ties into my thoughts on rebounds. I don't think they're healthy. I don't want to have to rely on a person to forget about someone else. If I tried that, I feel as though the former someone would creep back into my mind regardless. Sure maybe after a long enough time I'd have moved on, but what about this new girl? All I wanted from her in the beginning was to forget the former other, so what's she to me now?
I can understand the human want to not be lonely. But I don't think people are meant to be alone. If someone's alone, s/he's alone because s/he made that choice to be so.
Vengeance doesn't make oneself feel better. The idea of it might, and maybe even executing said plan would give the person some satisfaction, but what for? I don't believe that causing someone else misery would make me feel any better. Not to say I've attempted my fair shares of vengeful acts, but I'll say they didn't give me the satisfaction I wanted. You'd have to be ill in the head to get pleasure from others' misfortune.
I don't understand this concept of getting annihilated on a 21st birthday. Is it supposed to be a rite of passage? Well fuck that. I don't want to celebrate my birthday by spending the night, and possibly the following day, in front of a toilet. I don't want "friends" wishing me a happy birthday by dumping shots down my throat. Am I supposed to be entertainment, making a damn fool of myself? Here's an idea: how about instead, all the guests can get raging drunk and I'll have a good ol' laugh at their antics. Because I like remembering my nights, thank you very much.
I don't believe you can make someone feel something for you. Trying to act like you don't care in a relationship in an attempt at some twisted, reverse psychology to get the sig other to stick with you might only work for so long before the other gets sick of your bullshit. This desire to manipulate, to be in power, to have control - for what? Security? Vanity? Feeling better than others? There has to be an equilibrium, or it is not going to last. Your wiliness and cunning and underhand tactics will only work for so long before s/he wakes up one day and sees you for the garbage you are.
Maybe I'm being naive by having all these opinions. Maybe I just want to give someone a chance in my mind before passing judgment. The cliched adage "Don't judge a book by its cover" is something I try to live by, so it really irks me if friends say "Oh that girl looks like a 'ho" or "That guy looks gay" when they know jackshit about these people. Sure first impressions/first appearances are important, but they're just the tip of the iceberg (oh man these cliches keep coming SOMEBODY STOP ME).
Rumors and gossip are a nasty, nasty business. We get information about people and take it at face value. If I become the recipient of a rumor about someone, I'd want to go directly to that person and get his/her side of the story, especially if it's someone I know well. When I tell people this, I find they usually want to act in the opposite direction and take no action about the rumor. Remain quiet, keep knowledge to yourself. To these people, I ask: Why? Don't you want to know the truth? Why do you settle for the story told by a third-party, a story that's probably twisted and tangled and morphed many times over already? Sometimes it's a case of these third-parties not wanting to get into trouble by having the subject realize who's been spreading the rumors. If they're so worried, why talk about it in the first place? I, for one, sometimes want to know the truth, or at least the subject's point of view. There was an incident in which evidently I was called out as an alcoholic, that I get drunk every single day. This of course was not, and is not, true. But for all those people who received that statement, did they know the truth? At that time, was I really a raging alcoholic? For all they know, yes. Do I care what those people think of me? Not particularly. It just peeves me if they take said information for fact and don't bother or much less at least wonder if it's even true in the slightest.
I don't find myself attracted to someone based purely on looks (well, CAG being the only exception thus far. However, she is old news.) I might be in a class and there'll be a girl who catches me eye and I'll think "hm yeah she's kinda cute, sure," but I won't necessarily be attracted to her. She has to be interesting. I have to get a taste of what her personality is or what it seems to be. I feel there is some truth in inner beauty, the inner beauty being one's character.
On shot-taking:
Friend: Hey guys, what are we chasing with?
Me: What's a chaser?
Friend: . . . Fuck you.
Bahaha. Just bustin' his chops. But really, I've never understood the point in a chaser. Most of the time I like it straight, and I like the burn, and the perceived sensation that I imagine is the alcohol evaporating from my breath on a slow exhale. Mm mm mm. Flavored liquors don't have the same burn, though. It's ok, they're kinda girly anyways.
A friend asks me, "Do you only date Asian girls?" It's rather premature to say that I only date Asian girls seeing as I've only dated one girl who happened to be Asian. "Girls" plural indicates I've dated multiple girls thus far, which just isn't true. Not that I'm in a rush or anything - I actually really enjoy the perks of not having to deal with relationship drama at the present.
And is it really perceived as creepy if a guy gives a girl a compliment of any type? I'm talking about complete strangers, like maybe she's working the library desk and is checking out books for him and he looks at her for a moment and wants to just tell her he thinks she's kinda cute, and leave it at that, no number exchange, much less a name exchange, just a "Hi, I think you're pretty. That's all." Or maybe they have the same class together but they never speak to each other and one day he notices her shoes are lookin' so fly, and he wants to her know he thinks so. Random compliments like these. Are they really taken as come ons? Sure it's a stereotype that all guys think about is sex. But does that mean anything they say to a girl can be received as "oh he's just trying to get with me?" What if a guy just wants to compliment a girl for something for the fuckin' simple sake of complimenting?
I'm no model for character. But I think about these things and try to adapt my life accordingly.
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